The Plane That Almost Ran Into Venus.
So I was taking the garbage out at work tonight, and I stopped by the dumpster to have a quick gasper and call my wife. She gets on the phone and tells me about some shit she saw on the news about a pilot who almost crashed due to seeing Venus in the night sky. Apparently he thought it was an oncoming plane and went into a dive to avoid it. I guess this happened awhile back but some report was just released about it.
Anyway, I go back in the restaurant to finish up. The bartender was still there, along with a waiter and busser. The tv was on at the bar, so I asked if anybody had seen anything about that pilot who almost crashed the plane because he mistook Venus for another plane. The bartender, who also works as a waitress a couple of nights per week-and who I’ve written about previously as being possibly the most gullible human being I have ever encountered-looks at me and says, “Ohmigod, did he hit it?” I’m like, “Hit what, Venus?” She says, “Well, yeah.” I reply, “You do realize don’t you that Venus is a whole other planet millions of miles away, right?” She says, and I shit you not, “Well, you didn’t say if he was up that high or not. I mean, what would he be doing up that high?”
I don’t know, telling Scotty to go warp factor five. Nuh. I guess Air Canada is now offering discounts on interplanetary travel that I was not aware of. Someone should inform Neil deGrasse Tyson that the Canucks have mooted the NASA underfunding problem. Nuh.
So anyways, that was the funniest shit all day. I didn’t lawl at her though. I mean, I’m a dick but I’m not that much of a dick. I am, however, enough of a dick to recount it here.
In other areas of my interest tonight, I was thinking of what music I could post tonight. I’m bored with just picking a video of a band I listened to while writing this. I’m holding off on posting more covers for a little while. So I figured I’d just post a videos featuring my favorites-favorite bass player, guitarist, drummer, and front person.
Mike Dean is a gun on bass. It was a toss up at first between him and Lemmy, but honestly I admire Deans playing a bit more. The both of them influenced my bass playing more than anyone else I listened to, though I never really became great at it. I first heard this song in 87 and it was the most killer bass line I had ever heard. Just raw fucking hardcore fury, with a sweet mini solo drop out. This one still gets me all fired up.
Tom Pig Champion Roberts did it better than just about anyone when it came to hardcore. He’s my favorite guitarist not because of oodly-oodly shreddy technical solo wanking, or artyness or any of that pretentious crap. He just delivered with both barrels and wrote some of the most raging guitar parts ever put on wax. Plus, he’s just a fucking legend. Seriously, if I had a magic amulet or some shit and could make either Jimi Hendrix or Pig Champion come back to life I’d pick Pig.
As to my favorite drummer. Well, it was a no brainer-Dale Crover. Possibly the most under rated drummer ever. Trouble is, or maybe its not trouble, The Melvins added a second drummer-Coady Willis of Big Business. This of course happened years ago. But I’ll be fucked with a plastic zucchini if the both of them don’t just sound devastating together. Thus, my favorite drummer is just the Melvins drum section. This video is of a song that was enough to pulverize bridge pilings to begin with. The drum parts are just sick, even with only Crover. With the addition of a second drummer it reaches high in to the kick-your-asstrusphere. For serious. Strap in, turn that shit up, and prepare to be leveled.
Finally, the singer. I had to go with David Yow. I saw the Jesus Lizard a couple of times back in the 90′s, and he was just a fucking great front man. Spectacularly inebriated, but fucking great. His oft imitated nowadays vocals are killer. But you have to see the motherfucker live to really appreciate the intensity. When I saw the Jesus Lizard in Philly he gave me a beer at the end of the show and I kept the label from that bitch for years in the sleeve of a Scratch Acid album I had. I saw them again in NYC a couple of years later and he stole my hat during the set, wore it for two songs and then said “please make sure this gets back to the appropriate owner” before firing it into the crowd. Fucker. That was my federal bureau of prisons hat. My buddy Chris stole it from work and gave to me when he had a job at this fed joint in Jersey. Still, Yow’s my favorite front man.
So, yeah. That’s it. I’m going to bed